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So, you found us. We've been expecting you..

Well, not really, but we're glad your here none the less. So welcome. We're sure you'll love looking around as much as we love tea & chocolate. So, take a look around and we guarantee that there will be at least 3 things that you like. Possibly even 4. Maybe 5.

And with new items added weekly, we're sure that you will grow to love us as much as we love each and every single one of you. Any questions or suggestions, or if you just want to say hi, please drop us a message

The Paranoid Penguin Team.


All items are shipped out within 1-3 business days of the order being placed. Once payment is cleared, a small army of elves, armed with iMacs, will draw out your chosen design to start things off. Whether its a mirror, or a t-shirt, they know what they're doing. So don't worry.

The design is then cut by a very talented unicorn named Terry (who has a modified horn to speed up the cutting obviously) ready for the next phase.

For T-shirts and vests and bags, the vinyl designs are laid out very carefully onto whichever garment is needed. Then George, our pet dragon, breathes heat over the vinyl to set it into place. It is then packaged and popped into a bag and begins its journey to you.

Mirrors are a similar story really, but instead, mirrored shatterproof acrylic is used. The final product is then carefully packaged using clouds and cardboard to ensure it finds you in one piece. Unless of course the mirror you have ordered has more than one piece. in which case it will arrive in the stated amount of pieces in its description.

We feel that our production method, even though a little different to the norm, makes all the difference and delivers the best possible results.

Refunds and Exchanges

Hopefully you will never feel the need to return one of our items, but you are welcome to do so within 14 days from the date your order was despatched. Please note that all items must be returned to us before any exchange or refund can be processed.

We ask that all clothing items be returned to us in an unworn and unwashed condition, deemed fit for resale, and mirrors be returned in the same condition as we sent them to you – complete with any free items and with the protective film still in place. Failure to do any of these may result in us not being able to process you return. Therefore, please be careful when trying products on and opening your deliveries. For example, please ensure you are not wearing makeup, perfume, deodorant or antiperspirant which may leave marks on the products, and please do not remove any protective films from mirrors if you are unsure that it is the right mirror for you.

Delivery charges are non refundable unless the item purchased is faulty or incorrect. We recommend the use of Royal Mail 2nd class service for any returns as we deem them the most accessible and economic, but you are free to use any courier of your choosing. Where possible, please obtain a proof of postage slip for your own records, or if you prefer, you can use a recorded service.

To begin the return process, please contact us by emailing us at

All we will need from you is a message indicating whether you would like a refund or an exchange. We will then provide the details needed and tell you what to do next.

For exchanges, your return will be processed within 3 days of it reaching us. Just let us know the exchange details, and we will email you to confirm your return has been received and your exchange sent out. Your exchange should arrive within 3 working days from this email, and if you have not received it with 5 working days, please contact us to let us know.

For refunds, please allow 3 working days from the time we receive your return, for your refund to be credited back to you. This is largely down to the bank or card issuer that you used. PayPal refunds are normally instant, but will need accepting from within your own PayPal account. In cases of buyers remorse, please be aware that there may be a restocking fee as all items are made to order and therefore some costs must be covered.

Should any item you receive be faulty, then please accept our sincere apologies for the inconvenience. Again, just email us at detailing the problem and we will advise you how to proceed.